Passed down but not passed on.
I had one of the best grandmas growing up. (Yep, that is her and my grandpa in the photo.) She always had special ice cream treats ready for us when we would come to visit and made the best spaghetti I have ever had in my life(she wasn’t event Italian, go figure). She was one of the hardest working people I have ever met.
She worked a full time job and handled all the cooking and cleaning for her household until retirement age. I learned a lot of things from my grandma, unfortunately one of them was the language of negativity. I don’t know if she acquired it as a child who went through the great depression or if it was her Scandinavian roots that caused her to bend towards negativity, but whatever the reason, she saw most things in a glass empty sorta way. I used to joke that my grandma could win the lottery and would complain about the taxes. This is just how she was. This is the language she spoke. Whenever we would catch up on things she would always share the news of a cousin who lost their job, or another relative who was sick or hurting, it was the news she felt needed sharing. I can’t honestly remember a single conversation with her where she shared good news about herself or others. Chances are she was raised in a household that spoke negativity as its first language. Surviving the great depression has a tendency to do that. The thing was, she survived it but her thinking and language never seemed to get that message. What about you? Have you survived your own “great depression”? If so, have you taken time to re-calibrate your heart and mind from surviving to living? Have you given yourself permission to move forward and learn a new language for this season?
As most grandmothers do, she passed her traditions(good and bad) on to her children and grandchildren. As a young adult I became painfully aware of the fact that negative was my native tongue. I met people in the workplace and in life that seemed to speak an entirely different language. They spoke about possibilities and opportunities instead of risks and concerns. They shared and celebrated good news and people’s success instead of focusing on bad news or shortcomings. Who were these strange people and where did they come from? Turns out, they lived in the same conditions I was experiencing and had their own share of hardships, BUT they learned to look at their circumstances in a different way. They used their words to create instead of condemn and it made all the difference in the world. Once I became aware that my native tongue was not helping me in life(or making it much fun) I decided I would learn and embrace this positive language. Just like learning any new language, this took intentional, consistent effort on my part. I had to learn the positive words to replace my existing negative language. I had to practice every day to begin to incorporate these new words I was learning. I would so easily slip back into my comfortable way to speaking, especially when I was around family members that still prefer negativity as their language. Over time, with much practice, I became fluent in positivity. I still catch myself from time to time slipping back into the familiarity of negativity but most times I can catch it quickly.
What is your native language? Are you fluent in positivity? Watch your words this week and pay attention to what comes out of your mouth, you might be surprised at what you find.
Maybe you didn’t inherit a negative native tongue from your family but what “family traditions” aren’t serving you well? Is there limited thinking around money? Does your family embrace an unhealthy lifestyle that keeps members riddled with disease? Time to break up with family traditions that don’t serve you. Start a new tradition and create a better legacy for your children’s children! Cheers to the pioneers, the rule breakers, the game changers, the ones that won’t settle for status quo. Thank you for your courage and strength to dare to do something different and better!
Onward in Love,
Kelli